Three Ways to Manage Your Anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. When we take a moment to connect with what lies beneath our anger or someone else projecting anger on us, we will discover that it is protecting something deeper. Begin by asking yourself these questions; “What is the anger protecting?” “If my anger could talk, what would it say?” Sit with this question a moment. It may lead to more questions and answers before you drill all the way down to the root of the anger.

When I was going through the most horrific trial of my life, I felt an anger inside of me that I didn’t know could ever exist. Trust me, it was righteous anger, but it was also paralyzing me and my ability to heal and thrive.

I learned so much during this time, and the concept of my anger being a secondary emotion remains one of the most powerful moments of reckoning. For me, the answer was integrity. My anger was protecting the fact that one of my core values is integrity. I always ask myself if what I am doing is the right thing, even in the hardest of moments. My anger had everything to do with the fact that I have spent most of my life choosing integrity, even though….

Even though is an entirely different conversation. However, I believe you know what I mean. Our life is filled with “even thoughs.” Maybe not correct English, but still, it’s a thing.

Even though this happened, or they did this, or that is easier, or that feels hard, I will do the right thing. For me, my anger was protecting the fact that in my life I have chosen the right path repeatedly, despite the “even though,” and I was still crushed by the horrific choices of others.

How do we take the next step to calm our anger, in order to thrive?

These 3 tips, when practiced regularly will really help you connect with and calm your intense anger.

Journaling

Here is the key. Journaling is a mind-body practice that connects everything plaguing your mind to paper or an on-line journal. The research on journaling is excellent as a healing modality. It is important to password protect digital journals and keep your physical journals in a safe place. Here are a few journaling prompts to consider.

• What is my anger protecting?
• If my anger had a voice, what would it say?
• I am grateful for my anger because….My anger has taught me that I…..
• Where can I use my anger to improve?
• What would I tell my younger self about this anger?

Movement

Anger can get stuck in our body. There are a range of research articles that conclude aerobic exercise is associated with a reduction in anger levels and improvements in psychological well-being (Lan et al., 2018). The review also explores potential mechanisms through which exercise may impact anger, such as stress reduction and mood regulation. Additional studies show how can be an effective strategy for managing anger and promoting emotional well-being (Khalta, et al., 2016).

Therefore, movement can really help release this emotion. There are several ways to utilize the body as a tool for anger management. You may choose to do more of an intense exercise to release anger or a calming exercise to regulate your anger. Mostly, choose whatever exercises connect with your need to release

• Walking, jogging, or sprinting. Any cardiovascular exercise. Depending on your needs, these exercises can support mindfulness and physical release.
• Progressive muscle relaxation. This is excellent as a way to connect with different parts of your body, holding them tight, and then releasing with a deep breath.
• Hot yoga. Sweat it out. Sweating is a great way to release internal turmoil.
• Boxing, kickboxing, or martial arts. This speaks for itself.
• Dancing is fantastic for releasing so many emotions.
• Tennis or pickleball. Take all of your aggression out on that ball.
• Get outdoors and move. Hiking, climbing, kayaking, swimming, etc. All so beneficial for calming the system.
• Calming mindful movements, including Tai Chi and Qi Gong. These ancient traditions are very helpful for regulating the nervous system.
• Weightlifting or ball slams. These power moves help tremendously.
• Jump rope or burpees.

I think we see the point. Both intense exercise and gentle movement both have many benefits for releasing anger. In fact, starting off with intense exercise and then calming down with yoga or progressive muscle relaxation may be a perfect combination.

Talking

This may sound flippant. However, there is a technique for talking through your anger. If there is not a safe person to talk to or if your anger feels more like rage, it is very important to seek professional support by a qualified therapist.

Here are some important tips for talking through anger:       

• Take a step back: Before engaging in a conversation about anger, take a moment to calm down and collect your thoughts. Perhaps write your thoughts down. It’s crucial to avoid escalating the situation by responding impulsively in the heat of the moment.
• Use “I” statements: Express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements to take ownership of your emotions. For example, say, “I feel frustrated when…” instead of blaming or attacking the other person.
• Active listening: Practice active listening by giving the other person your full attention. Let them express their viewpoint without interruption and make an effort to understand their perspective.
• Choose your words carefully: Be mindful of your choice of words and tone of voice. Use respectful and non-confrontational language to avoid escalating the situation further.
• Seek understanding: Ask open-ended questions to gain a deeper understanding of the other person’s point of view. Show empathy and validate their feelings, even if you disagree.
• Find common ground: Look for areas of agreement or shared interests to establish common ground. Focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on the anger-inducing aspects of the situation.
• Take breaks if needed: If the conversation becomes overwhelming or heated, it’s okay to take breaks. Step away and give yourself time to cool down before returning to the discussion.
• Summarize: When you are done expressing or hearing someone else’s verbal expression, summarize what you each think you heard.

Anger is normal. Typically, it is our reaction to someone’s anger or theirs to ours that escalates the situation.  Seek understanding for self and others. What is lying beneath the anger? How do we address that? Sometimes it has nothing to do with the person who is on the receiving end of the anger.

Learning to process our anger in a productive and healing way is the ideal approach. Holding onto anger can literally make us sick. The next time you feel rage, consider implementing one or more of these tools.

Resources:

Khalsa, S. B., Cohen, L., McCall, T., & Telles, S. (2016). The Principles and Practice of Yoga in Health Care: An Introduction. Journal of Yoga & Physical Therapy, 6(4). doi: 10.4172/2157-7595.1000265

Lan, X., Lin, H., Chen, M., & Huang, X. (2018). Effects of aerobic exercise on anger and its psychological mechanisms: A systematic review. BioMed Research International, 2018. doi: 10.1155/2018/3181760