We all have wounds from our past that can impact our present relationships. Sometimes, we subconsciously project our pain and anger onto loved ones, even though they are not responsible for our pain. We may also attract people who are also wounded and end up suffering further. These patterns create potential cycles of resentment, bitterness, and isolation, which prevent us from healing and moving forward.

In this blog post, I want to share two powerful statements that have served as my daily reminders. They inspire me to seek truth and discern how and where I choose to invest in relationships.

Stop Bleeding on People Who Didn’t Cut You

This statement reminds us that we are responsible for our own healing, and that we should not blame or punish others for the wounds someone else caused. It encourages us to be mindful of how we treat others, and to avoid projecting our unresolved issues onto them.

When I first heard a pastor make this statement, it resonated deeply. When we bleed on people who didn’t cut us, we are perpetuating unresolved wounds. We are depleting our energy and resources on people who actually show up for us, instead of being vulnerable about our situation and seeking professional support when needed. This can reinforce negative beliefs and emotions, and keep us stuck in old patterns and mindsets.

To break this cycle, it is important to acknowledge our wounds and find healthy ways to heal them. When we call our pain true, we lead with courage and self-compassion. This stops the past from defining or limiting us. Realize you are not alone. Seeking support from therapists, coaches, mentors, friends, and/or family members just may be the best next step you take. The work is difficult, and it is worth it.

Find People Who Are Also in the Arena

In Brené Brown’s now famous TED talk, she states, “Unless you are also in the arena getting your a$$ kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” This phrase was inspired by a famous quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “The Man in the Arena”, which highlights the courage of those who dare greatly and face overwhelming challenges in life. Brené Brown recites this verse to emphasize the importance of finding people who have literally been face down in the arena getting crushed by life, and are still willing to get back up, and take the next step. She calls on us to be vulnerable and authentic, and seek the people who are in the arena with us.

In this proverbial arena of life, we encounter harsh critics and professionals in sabotage. Critics may be strangers and acquaintances, or family and friends. Remember their own wounds and insecurities are coloring their critiques. Perhaps they crawled out of the arena and chose never to address their truth.

Surround yourself with the gladiators of life. The people who pick themselves back up from the dusty arena and walk headfirst into the aftermath have a lot to offer us as we navigate challenges in life. These are the people who have a lot to teach us.

Find them and hold on tight.